An Excuse for Writing

[I'm currently in the Algorithms and Complexity lab, typing this out on one of the lab's computers. There's only me and Ate Jas, one of the graduate students. I'm a bit embarrassed - this is the first time I'm using one of the computers (and the free internet connection) for something that isn't related to my thesis, but I guess that will wear off after a while. :)]

This is my first semester taking a Creative Writing (CW) course that isn't a GE. Unlike CW 10, which can be credited as one of the Arts and Humanities GEs that everyone has to take fifteen or so units of, my current subject, CW 140, is an elective; the only students who take it are mostly from the College of Arts and Letters, where its home department is located. The first day I walked into the class I felt like an astronaut visiting an uncharted planet; I was already sure, even if I hadn't seen the class list, that I was the only Engineering student there. I felt inferior in some way, ill-equipped; all my classmates, especially the CW majors, had had their formal training. I, on the other hand, was a wannabe, a dreamer who had been waylaid from her desired path and was, in some small way, trying to make up for it. I had no clue what I was in for.

After a month of writing short personal essays with fluctuating quality in my free time, I find myself enjoying the exercises. Personal essays are quite similar to blog posts; the main difference between them, as far as I've come to understand, is the informality of the latter. Many blog posts are more akin to journal entries, with their air of intimacy and confidence. These posts can be about the most mundane of things; in general, blog posts are often not expected to be coherent, or to deliver a point. An essay, on the other hand, is well-structured and full of insights - the people who read it expect to come away with something: a bit of trivia, a vicarious experience, a new idea. Of course, a blog post can also be a personal essay; some of the better blogs out there are the ones we read because we want to find out about someone's experiences and views, not because we indulge in the minutiae of her life. While thinking about what to write for my exercises I often think of things that, if I weren't so lazy, I could probably post here. Which is kind of strange, when I think about it; if I like writing enough to take a CW elective, why don't I just write whenever I have time? Why the procrastination?

I can't definitively answer this question, but it seems that some writers share a similar quirk. I've read about published authors who love to put off the work involved in writing a novel; they do their chores, go grocery-shopping, take their families out to dinner, that kind of thing. As one author put it, writers like to have written - writing involves a lot of thinking, restructuring, analysis, editing, and so on, and the maddening rarity of inspiration can drive one to long bouts with frustration. One of the reasons why writing is called a craft is the discipline required to go through the repetitive, often fruitless motions of writing and rewriting; it has to be done regularly in order for one to acquire skill and technique, and one has to keep nourishing one's Muse with good literature, since writers are also the anonymous students of other authors. It's quite tempting to just wing it and write whenever inspiration strikes. I've been writing this way for years, and so far I have only slightly improved. Hence my signing up for English and CW classes, first the GEs that everyone takes, and now, with a little step-up of confidence, a CW elective. So far it's been great being told what to write and being given free advice. My main problem would be continuing to write once classes are over and I'm left on my own again.

Hmmm, maybe I should update this blog more often. There must be a million things that I can write about, and God knows I need the practice. :)

[It's already past 7 in the evening, and I'm the only one left in the lab. Ate Jas left about an hour ago. The corridors are awfully quiet... Have to go home now. XP]

Translator? Not!

I like translating Tagalog songs into English. My first translations were of Eraserheads songs, done way back in my first year of high school; they were pretty bad, mostly because they were literal, almost word-for-word translations. At the time I didn't know this popular dictum: if a translation is beautiful, it isn't faithful to the original, and vice versa. A purist at heart, I unconsciously chose the latter, and wound up with clumsy English lyrics that were devoid of the charm of the original Tagalog. That this was so didn't matter to me, or maybe I was unaware of what a bad job I did; I was quite proud of those translations.

Fast forward to my (hopefully) last year in university. Friday morning, my roommate and I are sitting on her bed, watching MTV. Moonstar88's Migraine comes on; my roommate reaches for the remote, saying that the video's been playing all summer. Chunky yellow handwriting flashes on the screen like the opening credits of a movie; the band's female vocalist, clad in a knee-length dress with red printed flowers, her face obscured by the black angular frame of her glasses, is sitting on a wooden bench under a tree next to a young man in a pastel blue dinner jacket and a red bow tie, probably another band member. A bus stops in front of them; the young man takes his boxy red suitcase and gets on, while the girl remains sitting on the bench and watches him with a pleading look in her eyes. It's one of those videos whose ending you already know the minute they start playing. I must have been feeling sentimental - I might have been thinking of a certain well-known person whose name I shall withhold for the time being - I may have just liked the campy costumes and setting. Whatever the exact reason, I convinced my roommate to leave the remote alone, and we sat through five somewhat surreal minutes of girl-tries-to-get-boy-to-notice-her. Something in the song struck a chord in me, and I decided that I wanted to translate it into English. I hunted for an mp3 of the song and a copy of the Tagalog lyrics as soon as I could go online, and eagerly set to work.

Below are the original Tagalog lyrics and the English translation that I wrote. I tried to stay as close to the original wording as I could, although I couldn't avoid putting in some edits and paraphrases here and there to make the flow of the translation smoother. I also took a few liberties with a metaphor or two whose meaning I wasn't clear about... I hope I didn't misunderstand the song. ^^;

Migraine by Moonstar88

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo
Hindi sinasadya
Hahanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Yung tipong ang sagot
Ay di rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil di na makatulog
Dahil di na makakain
Dahil di na makatawa
Dahil hindi na...

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo
Nalilito


English translation by Tina

I keep forgetting that we're not together
All I can do is hope to be with you
Unconsciously looking for my place
Where am I now?
Am I still by your side?

You make me dizzy, you confuse my mind
Where do you think I should be?
Should I put my faith in you?

My insides are churning, so much it makes me sick
My knees are hurting, must I kneel before you?
I just want to know the truth
The kind whose answer isn't another question

You make me dizzy, you confuse my mind
Where do you think I should be?
You make me dizzy, you confuse my mind
Where do you think I should be?
Should I put my faith in you?

Because I can't sleep
Because I can't eat
Because I can't laugh
Because I can't...

I keep forgetting that we're not together
This is all I can do

You make me dizzy, you confuse my mind
Where do you think I should be?
You make me dizzy, you confuse my mind
Where do you think I should be?
Should I put my faith in you?

You make me dizzy
You confuse my mind

---
By the way, this was two Fridays ago...I almost forgot to put this post up :) Thesis work officially begins tomorrow; we'll be given our topics if we haven't thought of any. I spent the whole week in the library, looking up books for all the lovely research work I'll be doing. I want to blog during my thesis, but I might wind up writing about theoretical computer science...I'm in the Algorithms and Complexity research lab :D What fun! XP

Supersenior

That's what I am now. An overstaying Computer Science senior with some leftover units that need to be completed. Not the least of which are the six units that comprise my one-year thesis; I have to make good and graduate soon. Though I love my university, I'm not the type to slack off and spend ten years finishing my degree. I've lived out my four years of tertiary education; I'll try to squeeze in as much fun as I can into this extra year, then bid my beloved university good-bye. One of the best things about UP is that it's openly accessible; there are no gates or clearly defined boundaries, only open roads and a lot of unrestrained flora. I'll always be able to drop by, maybe pretend to be a student with my then-old ID. Goodness, I'm already getting sentimental. XP

I might not have much time to blog in the coming months; I'll probably squeeze out a short paragraph or two like this one every so often. Wish me luck for my thesis year :)

Bookish Tag

I saw this great tag post for bookworms over at Sucharita's blog, and I was green all over with envy. The rules are simple: when tagged, you take the book you're currently reading, go to the fifth line on page 123, then post the succeeding three lines on your blog. I posted a comment about how I wished I could've been tagged, and Sucharita kindly obliged me. :) Thanks so much!

The story the following excerpt was taken from is about a self-supporting commune of deaf-mute people who have developed a radical new system of communication that relies entirely on touch, sometimes bordering on extrasensory perception. In the excerpt the narrator is watching them perform a communal activity; the final result is similar to the experience of a Christian choir after singing exhilarating praise songs, or of a pumped-up crowd after a rock concert.

From The Persistence of Vision by John Varley, included in The Locus Awards anthology:

"It was expanding in such a way that the distance between any of the individuals was the same. Like the expanding universe, where all galaxies move away from all others. Their arms were extended now; they were touching only with fingertips, in a crystal lattice arrangement."

By the way, technically I just finished reading the book a few hours ago, but since I haven't started reading a new book yet I decided it was all right to use it. Hope I didn't break the rules. :)

I tag the following bloggers:

1) Brat
2) J-Mo
3) Aleta
4) Ran out of people to tag... ^^;

Quirky Tag

This is my second tag post; I've got a third one coming up, so I hope you aren't tired of reading about tags :) This one's about unspectacular quirks; in my case, those little weird things I do that I seldom notice on a daily basis, and which took me several days to list down.

I'm feeling lazy so I'll just copy the rules from Brat, the guy who tagged me:

1. Link to the person(s) who tagged you

2. Mention these rules on your blog

3. List 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers' blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

That said, here goes...

1) Some people like singing soundlessly to their favorite songs (airsinging); others prefer to strum invisible guitars, usually in imitation of a famous rock band member (airguitaring). I, on the other hand, like tapping out a tune with the tips of my fingers or my palms on any available flat surface, be it table-top or the skin of my thighs. I call this airbongoing. So far I haven't found anybody who shares this quirk...

2) When I'm in the middle of writing code for a machine problem, it's not uncommon for me to scold my computer every time I find a bug in my code. I know that most bugs result from human error, but their often unexpected appearances are vexing, especially after I've spent a lot of time carefully planning my code. It's pretty easy to blame the bearer of bad news, i.e. a screen spouting semi-incomprehensible compiler errors. Of course, my computer takes it all in stride, although I wish it could tell me what I'm doing wrong. But then that would take all the fun out of debugging, wouldn't it? XP

3) I have a habit of sharing my bed with books, photocopied readings, notebooks, sometimes a pencil case or two. They occupy about a third of my sleeping space, and I've learned to stay in the same part of the bed all night long. I only started doing this when I traded the comfortable rooms of a UP dormitory for the cramped confines of an on-campus boarding house; I've had a year to adjust, and I've even brought the habit home during the summer vacation. My mother finds it odd that I can sleep soundly next to hard-bound books, dictionaries, and old newspapers.

4) I love browsing through the school supply sections of book stores. There's something inexplicably exciting about the scent of new, unused paper, unsharpened pencils and uncreased cardboard book covers. Often I'm sorely tempted to buy myself a new notebook on a whim, or a new pen even if I already have too many. Most of the time I walk away with a sigh; maybe next time I'll have an excuse to buy something I don't need.

5) I usually have at least three things on my person that used to belong to my eldest brother. He's a generous guy, and he used to give me a lot of things he no longer needed; that was before he got married and moved away. The things he gave me serve practical purposes, and I find myself feeling incomplete when I leave the house without them. They are: a segmented stainless steel keychain that resembles a silver millipede in its ability to curl and undulate; a black garrison belt, the sole remainder of his college ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps) uniform, and; a water-resistant digital watch with thick rubber straps. I've had them since my freshman year in college, and it's part of my routine to check if I have them before I leave. Sometimes I don't need to wear a belt, sometimes I wear a different watch (for a change), but I always remember them, especially now that my brother lives elsewhere. Soon there will be a new addition to the three "heirlooms"; my brother has promised to bequeath his old mp3 player after hearing that I've been planning to buy one for myself. I'm so excited. Of all his old possessions, it will probably be the one I treasure most.

6) I'm fond of cracking open peanuts, watermelon seeds and squash seeds for my mother. I don't like eating them; for some reason, every time I see my mother settling down on the couch with a bowl of seeds or nuts I want to crack them all open for her. I'm slow while I'm at it, and she says it takes the fun out of eating seeds if they have no shells to remove, but she's gotten used to me "helping" her. She holds out her palm every time I finish extracting the meat inside a seed, or the nuts inside a peanut pod. A little extra help doesn't hurt. :)

Yay, done! :D Before I proceed with my third (and hopefully last XP) tag post, I'll tag the following bloggers:

1) Lester
2) Emir
3) Rich
4) Helen
5) Jaymee
6) Can't think of anyone else, since I have to tag some more people after this... ^^;

Respite

The last weeks of Java Boot Camp have finally ended. The official training ended two weeks ago, but we extended for one more week to finish the first iteration of the library web application that we were designing. Three days ago I said good-bye to the other interns, all of whom are from La Salle. Their first trimester for the year starts today; I probably will never see them again, since I'm a UP student. Orange and Bronze has begun sponsoring a Computer Science elective at La Salle, and one of the interns is taking it; the others said they'll be sitting in. I'm just sad that I can't be with them as they soak up even more Java-related knowledge... It's so much easier to learn new things when you're learning them with friends. :)

It's been a little over a month, and I find it hard to believe that I don't have to go to work in a few hours' time (it's now almost two in the morning). Two of the other interns still have a few days' worth of internship hours to fill in before they can receive their certificates; they'll be spending this week working on revisions and fixes for the first iteration. I decided to give myself this one week of rest before enrollment for the first semester starts, since I started my internship the day after following up some requirements at the last minute for the previous semester. After all, I'm not getting any credit for this internship; I just didn't want to be bored the whole summer long. Internships at our department are taken as summer electives, and since I'd already used up all my electives I decided not to enroll it. (Not to mention the fact that, in case I didn't pass, it wouldn't show up in my transcript... :D) I had no clue what I was in for...but I have to admit, I was never so glad to fill in overtime hours. And it's not just because of the nice laptop and unlimited wifi access.

My head is still reeling after being repeatedly barraged with Java and OOP best practices. I appreciate all the effort our trainors put into our training, although I did slack off half of the time (and read manga online whenever the lectures were especially boring ^^;). I learned something completely new; not just web development using Java, but an entirely different mindset from what I'm used to. Although I did learn Java and a little OOP in my freshman year, I realized how little I understood either of them. It was difficult for me to grasp the concepts central to the design of the programming language and the paradigm behind the language. Now I've had the chance to put what I've learned to practice, with a real application that Orange and Bronze is planning to use. I could have done better, worked faster, been more supportive of my teammates, the list goes on. But there's no doubt that I spent these last weeks in the most productive manner possible, and right now I find the shift back to doing virtually nothing at home somewhat disconcerting. Perhaps part of the reason is the environment: at Orange and Bronze I can easily get into programming mode, and there are so many people to approach whenever I have questions or problems. Everyone is friendly, jokes around a lot, and the office is so comfortable, if a little cramped. And of course there's the work. I was challenged, and though I feel I didn't give my all I enjoyed myself. I'm the type of person who doesn't get motivated easily, especially if I have to motivate myself... Being around so many motivated people who love their work was a refreshing, if not enlightening, experience.

Now that I have to bum around for a week, I'm going to miss all of the Orange and Bronze people, as well as the other interns with whom I shared a month's worth of learning and laughter. If I sound cheesy, take it at face-value; I really do feel this way, and the feeling will linger over the next few days.

Tagged!

The following is a collection of 10 random facts about me. If you've known me for a while, you might recognize some of the items below. :)

1) I guzzle water
My mouth goes dry every 20-30 minutes, so I always have a bottle of water with me wherever I go. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is head for the kitchen and pour myself a large glass of water. I can't function properly without a well-hydrated body (and brain), especially when I'm in front of a computer screen; there's something about writing programs that makes me awfully thirsty. I'm most uncomfortable when my mouth is dry. ^^;

2) When I was a child, I was afraid of the other children on my street
I wouldn't leave the house, even under threat of a spanking, if there were other children on the street. For some reason I couldn't stand to have them see me, hear me, or talk to me; I kept my head bowed and walked briskly whenever I absolutely had to pass by them. This is just weird, because I don't remember having this kind of problem with my classmates in preschool or during my first years of grade school. I guess I was just extremely shy.

3) In high school I grew my hair until it was long enough to reach my thighs
This was a phase that started with an idea I got from out of the blue: what would happen if I stopped getting a haircut? So I did. And my hair grew, and grew, and became such a whorl of tangles and split ends that my mother took it upon herself to brush, condition, and braid it every morning before school. By the time my hair spanned the length of my back my classmates would ask me to unbraid it and mess it up a little, because they said I looked like Sadako; this was to tease another classmate who had screamed her lungs out while watching the first Ring movie. I gave in once, and let my hair down; she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

4) I've been writing since I was a child
I was born with a head full of words. By the time I was seven I already had a sizable vocabulary, and I'd write letters to imaginary friends, transcripts of conversations, and a story or two. One time I wrote out a contract between my mother and me before we split up a chocolate bar; after we finished eating I decided that my share was smaller than hers, so I wrote a formal complaint letter (complete with a letterhead of my own design) and gave it to her. She still has that letter tucked away somewhere, along with copies of other things I've written over the years.

5) I learned how to speak English from TV
At least, that's what my mother told me. I could read and write fluently in English before I entered grade school, but my spoken English was something else: I had a faux American twang. When I was a kid I loved watching any kind of TV show that was in English. Most of these shows were from America, so maybe my mother was right. (If I had watched British shows, would I have gotten a British accent? :P) Over the years I've lost this fake accent; that might be a disadvantage if I ever decide to work in a call center. :P

6) I love stuffed toys and anime merchandise
I always stop by stores and stalls that sell stuffed toys in malls to ogle or pinch the toys. If it's an anime store, I might spend a few minutes squealing or jumping up and down whenever I see a plushie or poster of a character I like. This has been incredibly embarrassing to my friends, who start inching away from me whenever I chance upon a store with the aforementioned products. ^^;

7) I'm allergic to dust and bug bites
I get breakouts of angry red wheals when I'm exposed to dust, or ticks from stray animals. I always have a tube of steroidal cream with me to keep the inflammations from getting worse; sometimes the cream helps, sometimes I'm just unlucky :) Skin allergies run in my family; my brothers also have boxes of creams on their bedroom shelves, and leftover prescriptions from dermatologists. As you've probably guessed, my brothers and I hate cleaning the house, especially when there's a lot of dust involved.

8) Nothing short of a nuclear holocaust (or a machine problem deadline) can rob me of a good night's sleep
I sleep very, very well. I'm the sort of person who can sleep through an earthquake and wake up completely unaware of what went on. Once I've lost consciousness there's no convincing my body to wake up until it's finished resting. If I deprive my body of its daily dose of unconsciousness, it will get back at me by knocking me out for twelve hours or more the next time I fall asleep. It takes a lot of willpower for me to wake up early, and even more than that to stay up late when my eyelids are already drooping; this kind of urgency usually comes from machine problems. Thus machine problems and their ilk are the bane of my existence.

9) I over-analyze
I am the queen of obsessing over details. Do not get into a discussion with me about what kind of house Bilbo Baggins lived in, or how good the movie adaptation of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe is; we'll probably spend the rest of the day arguing over minutiae. (As an aside, I prefer a book to its movie adaptation; I tend to assume automatically that the latter is inferior. So I'm not a good person to have around when watching a movie of this type, except for The Lord of the Rings trilogy ^^;) This also applies to conversations: I know it's wrong, but I can't help mulling over why someone says what he says. I can spend hours thinking through every possible reason and motivation, especially anything I might have said or done that could have merited that kind of response. I'm currently trying to curb this bad habit of mine :)

10) I can't live in a house without an English dictionary
My dictionary is my best friend; no book in my room, or my house, has been thumbed over or brought out almost every day by my eager fingers. I would freak out if I had to live someplace without a dictionary, or at least Internet access so I can visit dictionary.com. An electronic dictionary would be a dream come true... *.*